i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize