i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
