U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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