47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
