I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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