Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
