Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
