I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize