My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
