but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
