Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
