Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
