I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
