I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
