Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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