I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
