My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
