It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
