Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
