i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
