Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
