You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
