Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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