he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
