meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
