So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
