I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
