im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
