Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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