my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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