well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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