I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
