I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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