aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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