Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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