I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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