I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
