Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
