Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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