Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
