apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize