Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
