I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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