God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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