Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
