Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
