omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
