I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
