I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
