Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
