Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
