Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found puke in my bra..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
