I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
