Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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