You're my little dorito
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
