Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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