I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
