why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
