One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
