yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
