i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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