Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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