When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
