This is not my ceiling
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
