We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
