If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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